“I always hear people say they started stand-up because they saw George Carlin or Richard Pryor, and, ‘I knew I had to do what those guys were doing.’ To me, that is the most extreme arrogance. I realized I can never do that. But I watched Evening at the Improv and I thought I can definitely do that. I can definitely be funnier than those shittier comics.”—Greg Giraldo - R.I.P
5) Quiddich (Harry Potter) - Possibly the most famous fake sport ever, and the flying is awesome, but it looses points because it’s basically Lacrosse for wizards and I’m pretty sure that, if it was real, it would similarly be played only by rich, New England Abercrombie douche wads at the wizarding equivalents of Exeter and Deerfield.
4) Shirling (The Kids In The Hall) - Rules are a little unclear, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want the cobra to spit in your face.
2) Calvin Ball (Calvin and Hobbes) - Rules, schmules. Sometimes sports should just be fun.
1) Pro Thunderball (Upright Citizen’s Brigade) - And sometimes sports should be war! Imagine full contact softball with porcelain balls, wild dogs, a car roving the infield, and a loaded gun behind second base that the players are forbidden to use. It’s a sport of and for the people. A sport that will stamps out a cigarette in Ken Burns’s eye and make him cry for his momma. A sport as American as boner pills and a Denny’s Meat Lover’s Skillet. God bless the U-S-A.