Click to see Steve Martin’s tour rider (leaked by famed gossip rag SteveMartin.com) for his upcoming bluegrass/banjo music tour. My favorite provision: ”If venue is a sporting arena, scoreboards should read “Steve 1, Bluegrass 0.’”
As a beneficiary of the Jimmy Dean estate, I am legally prohibited from discussing the provisions of his will, but, as your friend, I can strongly suggest that you buy Johnsonville sausages for the next 2-4 months.
Fuck This Guy For Caring. Everyone knows that the fastest track to success these days is to set up a photoblog that mocks people for the unforgivable sin of living their lives. Just steal a picture form the internet of someone enjoying themselves or expressing themselves creatively, throw a caption on it that essentially says “What an asshole!” and BAM; instant book deal. I want to hop on this gravy train so I’m starting a new photoblog and it’s called Called “Fuck This Guy For Caring.” Enjoy.
Donating blood?! Way to give a shit, ASSHOLE!
Volunteering at a soup kitchen?! How ‘bout you volunteer to not be lame?
Hey, Lance Armstrong! Good job beating cancer, you fucking idiot!
I can already smell the money. Expect further updates. I will be expecting calls from book publishers.
Someone please talk me out of buying the Sprint 4G Evo. Please keep in mind that “you can’t afford it”, while true, is not a compelling enough argument. I have Sprint goddammit! I don’t have a lot of cool phone options!